Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Curtis + Steph Wedding 28.8.2015

There is a story I have been trying to write
But the characters never seemed right.
They were shallow inspiration from rendezvous
that started with maybe and ended in hell no
Speed dates bringing faces in pretty packages
that failed to deliver, cyber visits that concluded
With adjectives unbefitting of the masterpiece I imagined
I mean, whose eternity begins with ‘nice’ or ‘okay’?

I wasn’t expecting a miracle with you
But I caught my joy betraying itself one time too many
in loud eruptions of laughter that accompanied thoughts of you
... the exaggerated way you recount events,
when I started carefully pitching the notes of your voice at the right key in my head
giving my name the cloak of your existence
like Curtis Edwards, Curtis Stephanie Edwards
getting first date giddy at the thought of you
I knew you had become the only character I wanted to see in my story

I didn't understand forever until I met you
Now you are woven into the fabric of every thought
When my emotions are fortified castles
You hear through my silence and coax my spirit out of anxieties hallways.
You are a mirror and a spin cycle
Leaving me be and challenging rebirth of a better me
Your love to me is security and danger, safety and risk
You are a leap of faith I want to continue making

Curtis, I recall the beginning.
When your date tells you
‘I don’t tend to like people straight away’
Then cuts the evening short by refusing desert
without so much as a glance in your direction
you prepare to tuck the evening into your useless but interesting encounter cabinet.

You suggested drinks. I’m not sure why I said yes
But I soon noticed your smile melting away 

my reluctance as it now does in angry moments
your eloquence aroused my curiosity
And slowly, as tomorrows found us unraveling together
your laughter rolled drum beats into blue skies
and had me beseeching God for longer days
to bask in the glow of your company.

If I am your story, you are the best chapter in a book that was being written about me
Long before its existence entered my consciousness.
Voices in college corridors I heard but couldn't decipher
Mothers on different floors of the same buildings
never meeting but together dreaming our futures into being
You are answers to questions I had almost stopped asking
We are soca and heavy metal fusion

 that somehow yields rhythm
Your energy is my rainbow.
Your patience my motivation,
your understanding, my validation.
I catch myself admiring you sometimes
Imagining us older in a little town, somewhere warm
holding hands, looking out to sea,
saying everything and nothing with no words
Overwhelmed by the love that has been our union

I’m bookmarking this moment
Asking you to save it clearly
So when celebrations are wiped out by the night
And reality opens its doors
We can both enter in the joy and strength of this moment
Where we bound hands and lives
In chords of love and invited God to be our glove.


Saturday, 8 August 2015

Fly! (After Maya Angelou's Phenomenal Woman)

Go ahead!
Seize the Mirror.
Make it captive to your face.
Suck sinkholes
Under cheekbones.
Perhaps dark skin lighter.
Unseat your petite.
Babel tower
Your physique
Contour symmetry
Across facial features
Go crazy!
Becoming the one
They said was perfect
Whilst your soul burns
its stock of happy.
I won’t wait.
Sitting on Maya’s throne
defiant, I’ll happily upset
pretty women
who keep wondering
where my beauty lies
don’t believe when I say:

“Its in the reach of my arms
the span of my hips
the stride of my step
the curl of my lips
I’m a woman
Phenomenal Woman
That’s me”

There’s a seat here
For the woman
You are trying to shed
Fly! Give the mirror
Back its sight
Go ahead.

©Tolulola Agbelusi

Tuesday, 6 January 2015


I met him once.
He bore through my resistance
With a sun bright smile
Tackled laughter from clenched jaws
Made me feel sand grain light
With a dune strapped to my back.
He was spectacular.
Annoying at times 

with an endearing arrogance
I can only describe as odd.
A leader who took pride 

in a higher stride
He spoke only when necessary
and befriended intellect for fun.
He flew on my level
Didn't intimidate when my name consistently
sweetened the lips of excellence
Wore my successes like he earned them too
Making their lustre last twice as long.
When I let my thoughts flow with no filter
Spoke truth that hurt
He would shake his head
Tell me I was hard to love
Yet refuse to move .
I found him 

in moments of rare vulnerability
Where his tears unbuttoned emotions held captive
By some flawed idea of masculinity
It was in those moments my soul welded itself to his heart
In bonds I would always find hard to break.
Bonds made stronger in the knowledge that he saw me all
And loved me anyway through irritation and tears and laughter.
We spoke the same language.
Exactly What I needed, but alas
he was too much her husband to ever be mine.

©Tolulola Agbelusi 2014